Cultural Exchange
by tarin2014tfan
Summary: Usagi wished to share one of his world's celebrations with the turtles.


**Cultural Exchange**

****Disclaimer**** \- I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.  
****Rating**** \- Mature Audiences ONLY  
****Story Warnings**** \- Emotional distress, Swearing, Sibling teasing, Sexual innuendoes (Don't like these topics? Do not read!)  
****Pairings**** \- None. (Do not like? Do not read!)  
****Universe**** \- 2003  
****Ages**** \- Leo, Raph, Donnie, and Mikey are all the equivalent age of 21. Usagi is a few years older. (I made them this age to account for time passage in the series storyline.)

****Summary**** \- Usagi shares one of his world's traditions with the turtles.

****Author's Note**** \- Written for Writer's Nexus April Challenge, "Usagi".

**Cultural Exchange**

"Guys! Guys! You gotta see this!"

Mikey came barreling into the lair with all the finesse of a stampeding water buffalo being chased by a starving pride of lions with a few hungry tigers thrown in for good measure.

The results of Mikey's entrance were immediate. Donnie spilled his coffee on top of his open laptop. Raph tossed an entire bowl of popcorn all over Leo. The fearless leader fell off the sofa, thinking the popcorn was tiny attacking aliens come alive from the movie everyone was watching. And Usagi leapt on top of the coffee table, sword drawn, searching for whatever unnamed horror could make a fully trained ninja tear through the sewers like a bat out of Hell.

The only one not affected by the over excited turtle was Splinter. The aged rat did nothing more than raise an eyebrow at their guest, motioning for Usagi to get off the coffee table, and stop blocking his view of the TV array.

"Mikey, this better be good," Leo sighed, picking himself up off the floor.

"It is! Dude, you're never gonna guess what I found!"

Donnie shot a scowl worthy of an enraged gorilla Mikey's way. "An un-destroyed computer, or a fresh cup of coffee perhaps?"

Mikey watched as Donnie held his laptop, emitting an array of hissing and popping sounds, by one corner letting the coffee drain off into the empty popcorn bowl held by Raph. "Donnie, dude, be more careful next time," the orange banded ninja said seriously. "But no, it's neither of those."

"It better not be somt'in' stupid. Yer on thin ice as it is," Raph growled.

Mikey took two steps back from his hotheaded brother, making certain he was well out of arm's reach. "It's not."

"Would it not be best to simply tell us of your discoveries, Michelangelo-san?" Usagi asked sheathing his sword. "The possibilities are endless, are they not?"

"Usagi! That is why you are so AWESOME!" Mikey grinned. "Okay! Everyone grab a seat!"

Splinter paused the movie. He knew from past experience, this could take a while.

"So, I was checking the catch basins like I was told to," Mikey turned to give his oldest brother a cheeky grin. "Since I'm the only one who's seen this movie. And let me say, it's rather awesome! Not Usagi kind of awesome, but close enough to make it a good watch!"

"Michelangelo, if you would, please?"

"Oh yeah, sorry, Master." Mikey reached into the messenger bag strapped over his shoulder. "Like I said, I was checking the catch basins, and I found THIS!" The sea green turtle was so excited he was bouncing on the tips of his toes. "Guess what it is!"

"A soggy bag of almonds?" Leo said drily, watching water drip onto the floor from the bag of nuts Mikey held.

"No, dude! Think out-SIDE the box!"

Having abandoned his laptop as a lost cause, Donnie sighed, running a hand over his face. "It's a nut sack," he said tiredly.

"We have a winner!" Mikey tossed the sodden bag of nuts aside, reaching into his shoulder bag again. "Now, guess what this is!"

Out came what once upon a time was a powder blue, Mouawad handbag with an impressive, jeweled image of a peacock decorating the front. Brand new, it easily set someone back several thousand dollars.

Now it looked like something a family of rats had moved out of, and a family of roaches had moved into.

"It is a peacock bag," Usagi sounded slightly confused. "Is it not?"

Mikey's grin grew larger as a giggle squeaked out. "Close!"

This time it was Raph who sighed heavily running a hand over his face. "We've spent our entire lives together, Mikey. We know it's a cock bag."

His sons did not see Splinter hide a grin behind his hand.

"That's two for two! Last, but not least! What's this?" From the deep dark recesses of the messenger bag, Mikey pulled out a small, brightly colored, easily recognizable, foil square.

The orange banded ninja was reduced to a pile of snorting, laughing turtle as his brothers groaned at what could easily be the worst pun ever.

"Is that not used by the men of your world to prevent their women from becoming pregnant?"

Usagi obviously didn't get it, making Mikey laugh harder, and his brothers chuckle.

Grinning, Donnie looked at Leo. Usagi was the leader's BFF; Donnie wasn't saying a word.

"It's a condom," Leo nodded, trying not to out and out laugh. "And it's sort of shaped like a bag."

"A little bag," Raph sputtered.

Leo's foot whipped to the side, whacking his emerald brother in the ankle.

"And it goes over a man's... cock."

"Which is a slang term for penis." Donnie had had all he could take, and couldn't stay quiet a second longer.

"Ahhh, now I see. A sack for a man's penis. A cock bag."

The slight lifting at the corners of Usagi's mouth when the rabbit got it made the four brothers laugh harder.

"If the excitement is now over," Splinter shook his head, turning the TV array back on. "Shall we return to our program?"

"Wait a sec, Master. I'll go grab us some more popcorn," Raph offered, rising from the sofa.

"I'll get some more drinks." Leo followed his brother into the kitchen.

"I'm going to start the recovery process," Donnie sighed. "And YOU are going to help me, MICHELANGELO!"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't bust a brain cell," Mikey jumped up off the floor, dodging Donnie's swipe at his mask tails. "It was SOOO worth it!"

Alone with their guest, Splinter thought it the perfect time to impart a few words of wisdom to Usagi.

"You are a very honorable warrior, my friend. Your courage and bravery are renowned amongst your peers." Usagi's cheeks began to darken with a mixture of pride and embarrassment at such high praise coming from Master Splinter. "But in the future, might I suggest, if you wish to celebrate your world's Awakening Festival with my sons, you do so on your world."

A loud shout coming from the lab cut short Usagi's answer.

"That's not the right hole, Donnie!"

"I can make it fit! Hold still!"

"OW! Donnie! Not so HARD! That pinched!"

"Stop whining!"

Blush increasing, Usagi smiled sheepishly at the ninja master. "I feel I must agree with you, Master Splinter. I am afraid my upbringing has left me far too tame for your world."

* * *

Thanks for reading.


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